@Ticklemeelzebub's timeline on Twitter
Tweets
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Never be afraid to stand-up* for something you believe in. *change your Facebook statusRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I left my best tweets on MySpace.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I care about my tweets but not 'fine tune them like my crank baits' care. *a crank bait is a fishing lure* *ugh u ppl*Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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~ You're not obligated to win. You're obligated to keep trying to do the best you can every day. - Marian Wright Edelman ♥Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I like when I can actually taste the kale.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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No! Don't worry about it. It's totally chill. Eh, I'll catch it next time. I didn't mean to rush you. My SUPER bad~ Me, to Shazam.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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He'd go monkey see, monkey do, but the sheepdogs only knew 2 words of English and spoke moose. Irony was: Free Willy's name stuck.
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I have my own "Pinterest". It's a wall that I duct tape people to until they finally STFU.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Social convention can suck it, yo.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I don't understand airline security. A hippie with an acoustic guitar is more dangerous than an old lady with a cup of water.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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If you dig deep enough, there are lots of fresh tweets from great tweeters. Dig.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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The dude just woke up and... smaaaack. TWO fucking rainbows in your face. In your motherfucking face. I'd be freaking out yoRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Sir, this is no ordinary phone. It's also a dormitory for my friends. Be gentle until my return.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Only those who have been crushed on the hill are prepared to learn.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Shakespeare was not a big fan of fish... ...there's an unwashed Elizabethan vagina Tweet in that, but we just can't net it.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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#np Too good to miss ==> Jed's A Millionaire - 'She Says' ~• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XWKfJWR0hA&feature=youtube_gdata_player … •~Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openView media -
have you a hand with which to pet me? o.ORetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Everyday I like 2learn something. 2day I learn raspberries hav small pips which get stuck between teeth. Not big day in search 4 knowledge.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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If these phones are so smart why don't they keep us from tweeting stupid bullshit?Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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It wasn't until he saw a boat full of animals that God realized some asshole left the water running.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Making Twitter my happy place.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I can't wait to see what the moral is at the end of the twitter story. But I betcha it's a doozy.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Changing my avi back to the old one as no-one seemed to know who I was. Either that or my tweets were shit and I refuse to accept that.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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What part of "I'm stuck in my neighbor's doggy door" don't you understand?Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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So, I'd prepared a little speech about the futility of this world & the persecutory concept of time,but the ceiling of 140,doesn’t allow me.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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TURTLE. Do you know what keeps the moon up? ME. Boy, you're stupid.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I'm angry but not "let's do something about this", angry.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Your RTs say more about you than your tweets.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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It takes sadness to know something is wrong. Sometimes it takes enough anger to make things change.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I took a wizz. Accidentally misspelled it out on the wall, so it read, ‘whiz’. Was some seriously ironic genius shit. I mean, piss.
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Had shit all locked down and put away safe in my pocket. Things only started to go downhill.. When you pushed me.
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The baby of the 79 year old former American Idol judge never had a chance. hashtag Janiesgothisgums
#ftwot#funnytweetsontwitter -
Just found a message in a bottle. It read: "Whatever you do, just don't tell Sting where I am."
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Candy nipple rings. Make that happen somebody...Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Defend you? Pfft. Not if it'll cost me my Favstar status.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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He's one taco short of a combination plate, if you know what I mean. (he ordered the combination plate and the waiter took one of his tacos)Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Time is money. Neither are real.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Relax, nobody's looking at you, everybody.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Guess what's next to impossible? Swing-set. It is at my library. Why? Because guy I work with doesn't know his fucking alphabet.
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Tooted my own horn by blowing smoke up the interviewer's ass. Didn't get job. Did cause bleeding. Next time I won't use a vuvuzela.
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My anguished fries fell on deaf ears. Actually, second large fry did. First bag I dumped just filled ‘em up.
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I only cry when 3.14.. gets mixed in with my onion. That's my opinion.
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She’s nuts expecting change from me & saying over & over that insanity's me doing same thing over & over expecting different outcome.
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All I asked the guy at the store for was some space & an apostrophe to go with the supermanscape I bought earlier.
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If you mean he’s been peeing sitting down since way before the twitter was born, then yes. They call me P Sitty. And I'm a twipster.
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Kanye's new song accuses whitey of assuming that blacks are materialistic. Good thing he's never perpetuated that stereotype in his raps.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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See, here's the thing about watching the local news: don't.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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There’s always one person in your phone who won’t un-dim even when you adjust the Brightness setting.
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I finally hear the voice of reason, and what do I do? I refuse to trust it. Instead, I just assume my house has gotta be haunted.
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Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. ~ Albert Einstein ♥Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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If by purist, you mean: “One who tweets unexpurgated crap..” Then, yes. I’m a tweet purist.
#tbot#thebookoftweet -
Hearing of the new Beetle coming out, REO Speedwagon broke their promise to keep on loving U & VW became all they gave a shit about.
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"Who cares? In forest, Big Foot can eat all the wild yellow raspberries he wants." ~voice in my head says not to mess with Sasquatch
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"I knocked it out of the park." ~Hobo Joe describes his crashing rocket-powered shopping cart into jungle gym & then landing in swamp
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"You're never going to start feeling better until you stop thinking positive." ~negative ions therapist
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ME. No grammar, no punctuation.. I can barely understand half the people I follow. SIS. Why bother? ME. Desperate to feel something.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Pencils down. Pass your tweets forward. Class dismissed!Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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The only klout I give a shit about is helping other people on here get noticed. Pay it forward.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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My tattoo of: "Caution - surface is hot" looks stupid now...but when I'm an old woman it's going to be hifuckinglarious.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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People who're unknowingly animated simply being themselves are memorable characters exuding vibrance into an otherwise dulling day.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Tweet what you like. Retweet what/how you like. Delete what you like. Follow who you like. Unfollow who you like. Block who you like. Qs?Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Can you be "Less Cool", if you are not cool at all?Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Twitter is my inside voice's bounce-house. Those things are soundproof, right? RIGHT!?!Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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if i had a dog id name him poochRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Reality is wrong, Dreams are for real ~ Tupac Shakur, ♊ ♥Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Thank-you for being here ♥ One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives. ~Euripides ♎Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I don' wanna sound like pessimist or atheistic,but I don't expect to see any miracle in my life. 'cept that of Jefferson Starship on YouTubeRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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If I could teach my dogs to talk I'd teach them to say, "No way! You've got to be kidding me!."Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Roommate just told me she wanted "a Twitter" so she could tweet Kanye West, and long story short, a room just opened up you guys!Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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My dad just discovered the song "Iris" so it's gonna be a rough couple of days.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no ones definition of your life, define yourself~H FirestoneRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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On Twutter u can get it off ur chest&by using code, no one really knows: I put up a new shelf today. I'm really disappointed in my shelf.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Fred seems pretty douchey but I'd probably let Shaggy touch my boobs.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Followers,Un-followers,Followers,Un-followers.For stupid accounts,it's a political campaign of revolving lunatics with no productive purposeRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Oh, I get it. A bunch of you guys got together and said: "let's tweet shit nobody can comprehend" - lolRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Eye of the tiger guys. Eye of the fucking tiger.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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There's a madness to my method.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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i want to be a secret agent like Bond, James Bond, but more secret. like not introducing myself everywhere i go secret.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Big Bang Theory is either very cute or very cerebral. Cause I simply don't get it.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Upset about "shitty tweets" being retweeted?"Then entertain us with ur bullshit.We could all use a lesson from a "better than the rest" fuckRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Took it. Ran with it. Tripped. Fell on it. Broke it.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I'm starting to embrace my role as a two-star tweeter. I'm not underfollowed, I just cater to a VIP audience. My friends are all superstars.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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It's cute that some people still think you can't make real friends here.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I almost certainly fuck things up & get it wrong. Often. Always(?) But my stupid heart's in the right fucking place.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Just because they weren't the one doesn't mean the next one won't be. You gotta believe else we's all just poopyheads. So fucking believe.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Being a pompous ass is the leading cause of people believing you're a pompous ass.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Secretly nicknames ditzy coworker "Dial Up" (i.e., slow connection), chuckles at own genius, sends Tweet, hears crickets ... burns in hell.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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The thing that lets you x out engagement notices on Facebook is broken. Just like the entire system of marriage and also my VCR.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I blame Schizophrenia for modern art.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Every single one of your superstitions is ridiculous and you are more than slightly mad.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Fuck you people who invented curse words for not creating worse onesRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I'm tryin'not use credit card.Not by dogmatism.I can’t stand the guilts that follow,who giggling ironically like a flock of bimbos in myHeadRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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RIP Brother! This song gave me much strength Richie Havens, Freedom, (Woodstock) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fA51wyl-9IE&sns=tw … via
@youtubeRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openView media -
Great sports story. http://m.eagletribune.com/eagletrib/pm_102537/contentdetail.htm?contentguid=iP0Jv4aI …Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Siri, how do you get to Pound Town?Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I'm just happy that we're all existing here together.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Eyes closed, ears covered, fight amongst yourselvesRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I still don't believe anyone on twitter's a real person.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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my life is one long, awkward pauseRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Don't make this weird, just love me.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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*sends love for all humanity*Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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My fellow Americans: you are getting verrrrryyyy sleeeeeeppppyyyyy {love is the only reality}Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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It seems America, that your senators actually represent (or are more scared of) the NRA, not the electorate. Sort that shit out!Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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You don't hear cows banging on with THEIR alien abduction storiesRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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The problem with disease is in the naming. We should change them every year, so you don't carry the baggage of historical notions.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Never take anything too seriously.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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So you lost an hour due to daylight savings.. Big deal, I lose 7 hours a day everyday on Twitter.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Just used my Livestrong bracelet as a rubber band for all my drugs.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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People really identify themselves as juggalos. That is all.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Some days are really meant to test me I think!Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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~Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character. Albert Einstein ♥Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I tried to introduce my children to the concept of taxation by taking a percentage of their Sunday donut. Guess what? They're Republicans.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I know plenty of Spanish. Amigo = friend. Pequeno = little. Gracias = thank you. Soy sauce = I am sauce.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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You guys need to stop pretending dave matthews is good. We've let him believe it for long enough.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Sometimes sarcasm is scarey and hard to grasp...*pats your head softly*Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Brian Posehn's The Fartist was tragically funny. It's on netflix. This metal video has very little to do with that: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-iWZX8u3_k …Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openView media
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If "Cops" has taught me anything it's to stay away from people with blurry faces. They r nothing but troubleRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Don't blame me. You never said I couldn't use a permanent marker, to draw a monocle on your toddlers face, so she'd look more distinguished.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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There's just not enough guys wearing backwards hats at this bar.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Am I the only person who doesn't know where to put my eyes when someone's breastfeeding? I mean, you know, boobies, but also, baby. Oh hell.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I want to drive a car inspired by positive energy and inspiration.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Jerry Springer should team up with Walmart for some sort of collaboration.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I don't think I'll ever get closure until all of you RT all of my tweets.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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So question? Are poeple using Moist Wipes instead of toilet paper? And isn't it basically a Baby wipe? What the hell ?Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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We're probably at our most sexy when we burp while gripping our right boob and squinting with one eye at Tweets. Probably. Not at all.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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The only thing more contagious than negativity is positivity.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Coming up with something stupid to say, just to keep the conversation going.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Can't say "look at my tits" w/ your boob avi & "I'm deep" w/ some philosophical bullshit in the same tweet. Twitter foul. Flag on the play.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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George Carlin and sandwich o'clock.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I want 9 1/2 weeks. But with present day Mickey Rourke.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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You know those tweets that are guaranteed to bomb? Trust me, you should send those instead.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Newbies: Don't worry about ppl who unfollow. You don't lose followers, you weed out weak fuckers who don't deserve to read your awesomeness.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Pretty stupid that you keep retweeting me yet still refuse to follow me back or even star any of my tweets, Favstar Bot 16.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Daft... *giggles* Daft daft... *giggles**giggles* Daft daft daft... *giggles**giggles**giggles* Even saying to myself it cracks me up!Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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“Everything you can imagine is real.” ― Pablo Picasso ♥Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Just subtweeting myself again. Sigh.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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No more Bon Jovi tweets or i will block you.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Time is valuable, yet, here we are....Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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My "go to" sexual move is to explain how I think I look like a muppet while I have cookies in my mouthRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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When you watch movies on an Xbox you should be able to use the controller to have little karate people fucking things up on the screen.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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There should be an "I'm sorry, is there anything I can do to help?" button here. I feel awkward starring the sad stuff, but I do care.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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If my coffee cup leaks on me one more fuckin time I'm kick stompin it straight to shit...Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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My dog loves me...because he thinks I control the noodles...and I do...Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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"be kind to those you love, be kind to those you don't... but for gods sake you've got to be kind"...Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Anarchy is the least radical. Schedule your own life. Pick your own tribe. Grow your own food. Make your own matter. Love everyone you want.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Just cause I'll follow anyone back...does not mean I won't block you cause the first stupid shit ya post...Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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You know that shit you heard that can ruin your whole day? Fuck that shit :)Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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"Life is more vivid & putridly beautiful when it's cosmically sad"..said the Big Bad Wolf as he ravished Little Red Ridding Hood from behindRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I don't think the cats in this alley have ever even heard of rockabilly.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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The voices in my head are usually having sex & sometimes they let me watch. I asked once why the ball gag was so big, but they ignored me.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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My Instagram: dog pic, dog pic, I left the house and here's the proof pic, dog pic, dog pic.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Children see magic because they look for it. - Christopher Moore ♥Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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What do I want? Let's see. A man, with common sense. What? Oh. Well. Okay. Scratch that. I give up. No! NO,no. I'll just be happy instead.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I'm known to contaminate crime scenes oafishly trudging through looking for my torn panties.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Squats ladies! Squats for the win.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Those who know how to love should teach others. Those who know how to fuck should call me.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Fyi: people at laundromats get really aggressive when you troll around just waiting to sit on their machine during the agitation cycle.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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The cat walked over the candle, now my kitchen smells like burnt cat assRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I love when I send such a funny text that the person doesn't respond for a while cuz they can't stop laughingRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Oddly enough, there's an incredibly relaxing unbathed-sitting on the couch naked-vibe that makes expressive writing so much fun.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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"Hey kids, don't pop pills, Pop Tarts! Wocka Wocka Wocka!"...What a Fozzie Bear anti-prescription abuse message would sound like on TV todayRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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It never occurred to me to misrepresent myself. In fact, that's why I came.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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mind your peas and weirdo'sRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Looking back, I think it was my failure to get his Star Wars reference that put the final nail in that particular coffin. There is no try.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Teach me, use me, claim me, study me, direct me, pose me, desire me, unwrap me, carry me, show me how to please. A lament of an unused muse.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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This is just hedonistic pleasure seeking of a perverted nature. But at the same time, meat pudding doesn't keep.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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If u RT or Star me, That's Twtr Luv, Good thing about it? Don't need a glove. Twtr lovin', real easy Best thing of all? U don't get diseaseyRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I love it when I try and be cool and say 'Who's the Daddy' and my teen says 'No it's WHERE'S the daddy?' and I look guiltily at the patio.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow ♥Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Juice boxes I ordered for Twitter Boot Camp have vanished off the loading dock. Hearing cursing, hooting, and "Fucking straw!" in the woods.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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There's only one real secret to Twitter, and that is TWEET. Tweet your stupid fucking heart out, the rest sorts itself.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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You fuckers just tell the World Wide Web. Guess you really don!t give a fuck.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Yeah well my thumbs say I CAN win this war!! ...Me to tape, saran wrap, anything involving a curling iron and evolutionRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I know some things. A few things. A couple. Two. Okay, one. I know one thing. Oh shit...I forgot it.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Who wants to come and do this fucking laundry with me? I blow job.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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And the words disappear with the misplaced button clicked called cancel. Otherwise known as Monday's mercurial way of humbling you.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Can you imagine if twitter had secret tunnels.. Oh we'd be passing each other in trench coats, sunglasses 'you didn't see me, I wasn't here'Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Not only am I the president of sweaty girl butts dot com, I'm also a client.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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bears? what the fuck!!! you know the rules guys, don't let me drink and tweet. bears???Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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It's cute how people follow me & after I follow back they unfollow. Firstly, I can count. Secondly, there are apps for that motherfuckers.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Money can't make you happy. For example, I have $53 in my bank account and I'm still miserable.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I don't care how smart you are. We gonna do it my way.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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talent overrides pretty heavy and kinda weird looking.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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My life is just one typo atfer another.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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The grossest thing about snakes is their inability to kickflip.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Uhoh. 666 followers. Looks around* I may rumble today. That's okay. I've kicked butt like this before. Breathes on nails* Shines* Bring it.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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One day I will come back to this place with silly string and end all of these people.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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~ "Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget everything except what you're going to do now and do it." – William C. Durant ♥Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I don't remember why but I'm not wearing any pants right now.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Letting go of something bad in your life, isn't a sign of failure, it's a sign of maturity that you're finally taking care of yourself.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I'm stuck training a new employee today.. He's a talker.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Something has to be done! Something must be done! But oh, not that. Something else, but something has to be done.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Yoga sucks. Yeah I said it.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I helped a little old lady at the market today.. She was too short to grab a box of cereal from the top shelf, so I stood on her shoulders!Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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People have the right to choose what they want and be who they are, but I'll never understand hate. Move along.....Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Take your labels of dejected minds and brokenness. They need not apply just because you have a few cloned minds to repeat after you.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Remembering the days before tuna became middle class and let dolphin live in the same tin.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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The King of Spades, Queen of Hearts, Jack of Clubs and Ten of Diamonds walk into a bar.., dunno the rest of the joke, I have all the 2's.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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You are absolutely fine. There's nothing wrong with you. They just don't know what they're talking about.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Thinking that last tweet was pretty good. We'll see.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Maybe we're the ones saying glycerine wrong.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Confusing massage with ass slapping since I don't know when.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Sooooo I was checkin out this chicks ass when I got on the wrong train.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Right Brain: You know that girl that follows everybody back but me? Left Brain: You're not going to let this go, are you? RB: Nope!Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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My trust is deep enough... as proof, if I were a squirrel I'd let you touch my nuts.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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"The world stands aside to let anyone pass who knows where he is going." – David Starr Jordan ♥Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Newbies, you don't wait for followers, you go get them.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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That dog food commercial where the dog eats it, jumps over a bush and becomes a majestic wolf in mid flight doesn’t work for stupid poodles.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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santino says that we are 'all of the things.' and he's v smart. but idk i think i'm only about seven thingsRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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That's the last time I try to dazzle a lady by putting glitter in my mustache.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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My favorite thing to do is laugh at a tweet I sent that is going to die in record time.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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You should always wear a jaunty hat so people know you're ready for an adventure. Swear that's how Indiana Jones got at least half his gigs.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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WOW! I JUST CAUGHT A FISH IN MY MOUTH! Jay kay, guys. Jay kay. It's cum. I'm not a bear.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I need two grizzly bears to go to the market with me. To silently follow behind. That is all. That is all I ever need.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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So, apparently, Mayans still exist and a friend of mine adopted one and now she's all butthurt and this is why I shouldn't do facebook.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Every time Frodo does a tragic face, I drink.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Fact: when you guys @ me and I'm watching porn, I kinda lose my tingly feeling.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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The greatest win is found in keeping no score.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Anyone on twitter need a teeth cleaning? Eh, never-mind. Some of your mouths are so dirty it's hopeless.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Safety first. That's why I wear a helmet when I shower.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I'm selfish 23 hours a day. The other hour, I'm pooping. I consider that my time giving back to the universe.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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This one time I tweeted about shit and didn't give a fuck about stars.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Some one please explain to
@Drake that starring in a popular teen sitcom isn't exactly "starting from the bottom".Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand -
Respect yourself enough to walk away from things that don't make you grow, learn or laugh.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Hail the Mayans. I know that's waay past their stupid prank, but I mean; who has ever made guys freak out that much?Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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LITTLE PIG, LITTLE PIG LET ME IN! ...girls don't like it when you sing Green Jello to them to get them 'in the mood'Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Whenever I think I might be smother'n him, I just hafta remember that somebody's gotta bury tha hawg or there ain't gonna be no luau.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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My signature move is pretending to be happy & well adjusted when in fact, I'm in the throes of depression.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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When did we stop dreaming without caution?Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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What gives, Feelings? I thought we had a deal.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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All men who have achieved great things have been dreamers. - Orison Swett Marden ♥Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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~ "Excellence is not an act but a habit. The things you do the most are the things you will do the best." – Marva Collins ♥Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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blow the dandelions of chaos out the high-rise window into the wind of the cool grey morningRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I'm glad we're finally turning our clocks forward. Seems that these dials have been facing the walls for like FOREVER!Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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..."And he faded away into the back alley of a city with a mangy dog & a broken tambourine where he lived happily ever after"...Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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there comes a time in our lives when we must ask ourselves "guess what?" and we must answer with "chicken butt"Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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1. Go to beach 2. Get jellyfish 3. Throw jellyfish at a cute guy 4. Piss on cute guy 5. Get married and babies and stuffRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Heathenism is a religion too. Where's our tax break?Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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A waffle breakfast & a little understanding in 1978 would've prevented most of these tweets.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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In Hell, everyone will be asking " Was it something I tweeted?".Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Thank you for choosing Frankie Air, where nary a flying fuck is given.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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I can never help but wonder how many women send themselves flowers... I'm sure it's not nearly enough.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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An ice cream truck that sells ice cream with lists of bad choices on the wrappers would be a sobering way to warn parents.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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WARNING: This tweet was manufactured in a plant that also produces peanuts.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Officially been here over a year. Does this mean I qualify for a t-shirt now? a crush? Oh hell, hot sex? A finger? Damn it gimme some thingRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Sorry Twitter - I blamed you for my failings. I should take more responsibility. - the sentiment that could end Twitter -Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Popeye's Chicken by an underpass with pigeons? Sounds legitRetweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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Taylor Swift is pregnant and I had to find this out from a real person and not on Twitter? Y'all are slacking.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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As a humble person with a messiah complex, I'm easily embarrassed by many Christmas songs.Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
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"A bad habit never disappears miraculously; it's an undo-it-yourself project." – Abigail Van Buren
#LoveScopes ♥Retweeted by Throw it, I'm openExpand
Labels: #ftwot, #gaf, #gsoav, #jsntf, #tbot, tweets, twitter
posted by Taranonymous Reads Not the Book of Tweet @ 4:21 PM 0 Comments